This morning I started reading two different books. They are: Lessons I Learned in the Dark by Jennifer Rothschild and In the Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen. I started by reading the introduction and chapter 1 of Lessons I Learned in the Dark. Then I read some of In the Name of Jesus. Later I returned to Lessons I Learned and then went back to In the Name of Jesus again. I really don’t know why I did it that way, but I was amazed at the common theme between both books.

In her book, Jennifer Rothschild tells how she was diagnosed as being legally blind at the age of 15 due to a degenerative disorder. She had to learn to trust God or despair. The subtitle to her book is Steps to Walking by Faith, Not by Sight. She tells of her journey with God. She did trust God and became a wonderful Christian woman because of it. She had to learn to walk with God through her darkness.

Lately I have been wondering where my place in the ministry is. I have some hopes and dreams, but I don’t know if they will ever happen. I’m a very practical person and if they aren’t going to happen, I really don’t want to dream them. I don’t see the point. I know many people would disagree with me; even my husband. I am at the place where I know I am called to something, but I am not sure what. I don’t really know my short or long-term destinations. I need to trust God and walk with Him. I need to not concern myself with where I am going, but just focus on who I am going with. With all the talk of women in ministry at General Council this past week, I’ve been wondering where my place is and how far I can get.

Which leads me to Henri Nouwen’s book. He writes about Christian leadership. He tells about our need to feel relevant in the world, but continues by saying,

The great message that we have to carry, as ministers of God’s Word and followers of Jesus, is that God loves us not because of what we do or accomplish, but because God has created and redeemed us in love and has chosen us to proclaim that love as the true source of all human life.

Later he writes,

The leaders of the future will be those who dare to claim their irrelevance in the contemporary world as a divine vocation that allows them to enter into a deep solidarity with the anguish underlying all the glitter of success, and to bring the light of Jesus there.

I know that where I get to, in either the hierarchy of the AG or in location, is not as important as where I get to in my love life with God. That must be paramount in my life. I must struggle against the need to feel important and be known. I must not fear the not knowing and the lack of feeling relevant. Chapter 2 in Jennifer Rothschild’s book focuses on learning not to fear and instead take risks. She writes,

When I think about what keeps me from trusting, I realize that it’s a feeling of fear that makes me unwilling to risk.

Choosing to trust God gives us the resources we need to cast out fear.

The bigger the risk, the bigger the blessing!

I don’t think we always realize that the blessing is there, but it is. If I can choose to trust God and therefore take risks, I will be at the top of where God wants me. And that is where I really want to be, anyway.

Please take a look at my hubby’s post on Henri Nouwen’s book.

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