Yesterday I mentioned that I had an interesting visit with my doctor. Sometimes I think that I should switch doctors because mine isn’t too great at follow-through, but I generally like him, so I haven’t switched yet. Yesterday, his insight was pretty amazing. After that I really doubt I’ll be able to change doctors because he now has some serious insight into some of my medical issues. He basically told me that some of my problems are mental. That sounds bad, but he said it very nicely and he took me with him through his thought process so that it made sense and I wasn’t offended. He thinks that I feel I need more control over my life and so when I forget to take a medicine I feel better in some specific ways just because I feel like I am finally controlling my own life. This is hard to talk about without being specific, but I understood him and I think he is pretty right.

So what does that mean for me? I think it means that I need to intentionally take control of some aspect of my life that I am capable of taking control of. And that is what he said, but I think he is right. An example would be the dishes. If I decided that I was going to control the dishes by keeping the kitchen clean better, maybe that would make me feel like I was in control more so that other areas of my life could happen as they may and I would be happy with that. This is probably making no sense at all. That’s okay. This is mostly me retelling myself stuff so that I won’t forget it. I am frustrated with myself right now because of my lack of motivation after doing some medication changes. I am going back to the medications I was on so my life and body should even out more in the coming weeks. I look forward to that.

He also said that maybe I need to clarify the rolls I take on in life so I can differentiate between them. That part at first confused me becasue he was saying I need to compartmentalize my life and I always understood that to be a bad thing. But my hubby pointed out a time in his life where he was working several jobs and he had to compartmentalize in order to be a whole person. He needed to have a space in his life for each job so that he could go there and get that job done without having to think about the jobs. That makes sense to me. I carry several rolls. There is the Mom Elaine, the Minister Elaine, the Wife Elaine and the Elaine Elaine. This blogging stuff is the Elaine Elaine with a little bit of all the others thrown in. I think I’m going to buy a bracelet that will symbolize these various rolls so that it will remind me to keep on task and to do a better job of completing all the tasks in my life. I want something like a charm bracelet or one of those bracelets with the changeable links. Then I will get a charm/link for each roll in my life. What do you think of this idea? Now, I just need to save up some money so I can but something really cute!

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