I think that all of us feel unappreciated on some days. Today is one of those days for me. Right now my family and I are on a mission to make ourselves feel appreciated. Chris isn’t feeling too great, either. It’s interesting how you can know in your head that you are appreciated and loved and not FEEL that way.

Just this morning, Ella told me she loved me and it was in that way that I knew she really meant it at that moment, that she was really feeling it just then. That made me feel nice, but I later found my purse soaked with milk from Ella’s spilt cereal. Then it was as if she didn’t say that at all. She hadn’t bothered to even try to clean up the mess. Her thoughtlessness hurt my feelings, but I knew in my head that it was just her being a normal 7 year old. And once I thought about it, I grasped at that loved feeling that I got when she told me she loved me earlier in the day. I decided that it was going to stay and I was going to make the feelings associated with the milk go away. I’d much rather be happy.

It helped that she thought of me again by suggesting to Daddy that they get me flowers and a balloon, which they did. I have a wonderful family. I had been thinking flowers would be nice. I was also wishing for an early Mother’s Day. I just needed it. And I got both! Chris later mentioned that it was like an early Mother’s Day and he was right! I got to choose where to go for lunch and what to do this afternoon.

We went and had pizza for lunch and we are now on our way to the zoo. It’s open early because of the nice weather we’ve been having. Not all the animals are out and the train isn’t running, but it will be fun and it’s free! Whee! Ella says I get to choose for dinner, too! We will be in Saginaw, so that opens up my options! I’m thinking Famous Dave’s right now.

The Five Love Languages book talks about how we need to keep our love tanks full. I feel that mine is on empty. I was trying to soak up love from Chris’ hugs, but I realized that it was not really possible. God must be my source of love. At least for a tank that stays full and especially when Chris is feeling empty as well. He can’t help me like God. I’m realizing lately that I must rely more on God for these things. I expect more out of Chris than is humanly possible. Really. Literally. God is the only one that can give me what I need. Just writing this, admitting it in writing, out loud, so to speak, gives me joy. I know I’m on the right track always growing and allowing God to stretch me. It’s good to be teachable and always learning.

While I was still sad, I told Chris that I felt that I had been giving love, but not receiving enough back. With our concern over Ella, I’ve been making a concerted effort to make sure she knows we all love her, including God. It is a rewarding, yet tiring job. I only wish I had noticed that her love tank was on empty sooner than I did. It is much harder to bring and keep recovery and wholeness now. I am seeing progress the last couple of days. She seems to see that I am there for here now. I wasn’t before, while I was escaping the world through the computer. But after many weeks of my focus on the right things, she is beginning to benefit. All I can say is, “Thank you God!”

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