Today I read chapter 4 in Lessons I Learned in the Dark by Jennifer Rothschild. She wrote about rejoicing in your God-given gifts; especially the difficult ones. If most people wrote that, it would not be as powerful as when she, a blind woman, writes it. If she can rejoice in her God-given difficult gift, then I should be able to rejoice in mine, too. Here are some of my favorite parts of this chapter.

The only difference between becoming bitter and becoming better is the letter I. Approaching our difficulties from the standpoint of what I want, what I have lost, or what I think is fair will embitter us. Bitter eyes can perceive only the injustice and the sorrow in our situation. Grateful eyes, however, will always see the grace of God, regardless of how difficult our circumstances might be. Grateful eyes allow us to see “the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (Psalm 27:13). (more…)

This morning I started reading two different books. They are: Lessons I Learned in the Dark by Jennifer Rothschild and In the Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen. I started by reading the introduction and chapter 1 of Lessons I Learned in the Dark. Then I read some of In the Name of Jesus. Later I returned to Lessons I Learned and then went back to In the Name of Jesus again. I really don’t know why I did it that way, but I was amazed at the common theme between both books.

In her book, Jennifer Rothschild tells how she was diagnosed as being legally blind at the age of 15 due to a degenerative disorder. She had to learn to trust God or despair. The subtitle to her book is Steps to Walking by Faith, Not by Sight. She tells of her journey with God. She did trust God and became a wonderful Christian woman because of it. She had to learn to walk with God through her darkness.

Lately I have been wondering where my place in the ministry is. I have some hopes and dreams, but I don’t know if they will ever happen. I’m a very practical person and if they aren’t going to happen, I really don’t want to dream them. I don’t see the point. I know many people would disagree with me; even my husband. I am at the place where I know I am called to something, but I am not sure what. I don’t really know my short or long-term destinations. I need to trust God and walk with Him. I need to not concern myself with where I am going, but just focus on who I am going with. With all the talk of women in ministry at General Council this past week, I’ve been wondering where my place is and how far I can get. (more…)

Anne Marie is going to keep me on my toes. So here is my recent life. This post is a little more private in nature, but here it goes. A while back, my hubby and I made sure that more children were impossible. Now there should only be a 1 in 5000 chance of my getting pregnant. The reason for this is that I get post-partum depression that never goes away. My youngest is almost three and I still take meds in order to control it daily. Well, my period is late! I took a test and it’s negative, but I am totally having pregnancy symptoms. It really should be impossible, but it’s driving me crazy not knowing what is wrong with me. If it’s not pregnancy, what is it? I’ve never been this late unless I was pregnant. The latest I’ve ever been is a week. It’s now been 48 days since my last period. That’s 20 days late! What is up??? So, i’m freaking out. I have a doctor appointment next Thursday for other reasons and if there is nothing by then I’ll talk to the doctor, but I doubt he’ll give me any reasonable explanation. He’s just like that. He’ll make my fears seem silly and I won’t actually get any answers. I’m just really frustrated. I’m trying to leave the situation in God’s hands, but it sure is hard.

On another note, I am preaching this Sunday again. Maybe I’ll learn something really great as I study. Well, I know I will, but maybe it will help me to leave things in God’s hands. I think I’ll be preaching on being called again, but from Luke 10 where Jesus sends out the 70 (or 72).

Well, at least I feel better having written all this down. Now that the world knows my personal struggles against pregnancy. 🙂

UPDATE: It finally started! Hallelujah! What a relief!