This morning I started reading two different books. They are: Lessons I Learned in the Dark by Jennifer Rothschild and In the Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen. I started by reading the introduction and chapter 1 of Lessons I Learned in the Dark. Then I read some of In the Name of Jesus. Later I returned to Lessons I Learned and then went back to In the Name of Jesus again. I really don’t know why I did it that way, but I was amazed at the common theme between both books.

In her book, Jennifer Rothschild tells how she was diagnosed as being legally blind at the age of 15 due to a degenerative disorder. She had to learn to trust God or despair. The subtitle to her book is Steps to Walking by Faith, Not by Sight. She tells of her journey with God. She did trust God and became a wonderful Christian woman because of it. She had to learn to walk with God through her darkness.

Lately I have been wondering where my place in the ministry is. I have some hopes and dreams, but I don’t know if they will ever happen. I’m a very practical person and if they aren’t going to happen, I really don’t want to dream them. I don’t see the point. I know many people would disagree with me; even my husband. I am at the place where I know I am called to something, but I am not sure what. I don’t really know my short or long-term destinations. I need to trust God and walk with Him. I need to not concern myself with where I am going, but just focus on who I am going with. With all the talk of women in ministry at General Council this past week, I’ve been wondering where my place is and how far I can get. (more…)

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Check out this post! It really got me thinking. Which you can tell by my post size comment!

I really do feel a need for intercession. I feel a need to pray more myself, too. This past week I’ve been blogging more and it has really helped me. I have a hard time sitting down and praying, but I do pray a lot during the day. And most of the praying I do, I don’t even realize I do. I do it subconsciously and only realize when I write about my day. It’s kind of crazy. The problem with this way of praying is that I’m not always listening. I need to spend time with God separately so that I can listen to what he says better. Many times I realize I didn’t listen after I do something the wrong way. It’s like a light goes on in my head and says, “You were warned about this.” And I realize I was, but I was only partly listening and so I didn’t really hear it!

Besides all that, I need to take more time to study. I usually only study when I have to preach, but that doesn’t put the Word in my heart like devotions do. What I could really use is a prayer buddy. If anyone would like to volunteer, please do so. I’ve actually been looking for someone to buddy up with or be mentored by for a long time. I could really use the accountability. It’s just so hard to find someone when you live in a small town and are a pastor and pastor’s wife. There are very few people you can be completely open with. I’ve been burned by saying to much to people before. So, seriously! If you need a prayer partner or would like to be mine even though you have another too, let me know! He He! This post has turned into an advertisement! But there has to be somebody out there who needs this same thing. And I hope this post will cause you to re-evaluate you prayer and study life, too.