My daughter Princess drew me a picture! While I was on the phone with my mom, on Sunday when she told me about my grandma, Princess was starting to whine and yell right next to me. Chris stopped her and told her to let me talk and explained why I was sad. Then Princess decided to draw me this picture.

*As a disclaimer, I should add that all her drawings of people look like this. She draws the ribs! She drew this on the back of another picture. That is why the background looks strange. But, this is my grandma. Isn’t it sweet? I love my Princess!

Sunday night I was reading Psalms looking for something comforting. I found Psalm 5.

Give ear to my words, O Lord,
consider my sighing.
Listen to my cry for help,
my King and my God,
for to you I pray.
In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.

You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil;
with you the wicked cannot dwell.
The arrogant cannot stand in your presence;
you hate all who do wrong.
You destroy those who tell lies;
bloodthirsty and deceitful men
the Lord abhors.

But I, by your great mercy,
will come into your house;
in reverence will I bow down
toward your holy temple.
Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness
because of my enemies–
make straight your way before me.

Not a word from their mouth can be trusted;
their heart is filled with destruction.
Their throat is an open grave;
with their tongue they speak deceit.
Declare them guilty, O God!
Let their intrigues be their downfall.
Banish them for their many sins,
for they have rebelled against you.

But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous;
you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

Some of it is scary, kinda of, but I really liked the the first and last two stanzas. I was crying out to God because of my fear that my grandma didn’t make it to heaven and God comforted me and surrounded me with His favor. And I believe brought my grandma into His protection. I do feel assured of her destination now. I believe she did make it to heaven. And I know that no matter what, God is in control and is a just God. I must trust Him. And I must continue trying constantly to become more holy and obedient. I must further His Kingdom while I am here on Earth. I pray that I fulfill the goals He has for me and that I will be assured of the rest of my family’s fate before they die.

My grandma had quite a few grandkids and I was the third youngest. My brother was the youngest. By the time we came around, I think the novelty had worn off. But I still remember her fondly for several things.

When we would stay overnight at her house, she would let us watch TV till late at night. We didn’t have cable at home, but she did and I remember watching Nickelodeon and Nick at Nite.

She always wanted to feed us! We would be stuffed and she would suggest we eat something more. We had a hard time convincing her we could not eat any more.

She once got a new comforter and all the trimmings and gave me her old set. It was big, pink, floral and lacy. I think it was pretty ugly now, but I absolutely loved it then. There were even satin sheets! That was luxury to me then.

She taught me to crochet. I forgot how, but I enjoyed learning from her. She also gave me a book about home crafts. It showed how to crochet and make various things for your house.

She was a nurse, so we always had to practice our CPR on her dummies when we went to her house. Along with that, she paid for our swim lessons.

One of the greatest things she did for me was save an old crazy quilt. My other grandma died when my mom was only 12 or 13. She had finished a quilt my great-grandmother never finished. My family and I moved a lot and were many times hard up for money. My mom didn’t want to, but needed money so she was going to sell the quilt. My grandma Carmack bought it and then gave it back to her. She knew it’s value lay more with my mom than anyone else. Thanks grandma!

I didn’t know her that well. She wasn’t one of those perfect grandmas that cooks and bakes your favorite things when you come over and she didn’t spoil us. But she did love my brother and I and I loved her too.

I wish I had taken more time to get to know her after I grew up. Now it’s too late, but I say thank you to her. Thanks for loving me and caring for me in the best way you could. Thanks for being yourself. I am glad you were my grandma!

I just found out my grandma died this morning. It makes me very sad. I wasn’t really close to her, but I wish I had been closer. I should have prayed for her more. I don’t think she was saved. That’s what just devastates me. If she had been saved I would only be sad for my family and I’s loss. I would be happy for her gain. I wish I knew she had asked

Jesus into her heart at the last minute. And I knew I should call her the other day and I didn’t. Which makes me cry. Maybe I could have led her to the Lord! Maybe I missed my only opportunity.

God, if this is so, please forgive me. And please be with my aunt and uncles through this difficult time. Especially my aunt who will be lost without anyone to care for and no job. Please bring someone to her to help her through this and please help me to be a witness to my family somehow. Help me to listen better and do what you ask. Help me to know what I can do now that will comfort my aunt and uncles. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Grandma with Children

Please pray with me for my family. Thanks.

Thanks to my Aunt Christine Baker for the beautiful photos she had previously posted on the internet. The first picture is of my grandma as a child with her baby sister, Arline. (My grandma as a child.) Picture two is of my grandma, grandpa, Uncle Richard and Aunt Christine. (My grandma with children.) The third picture is my grandparents. (My grandma with grandchildren.)

Grandma with grandkids

Update: My mom seems to feel assurance from God that grandma is alright. My aunt, too believes my grandma was spiritual but only privately. I feel I must trust God. No matter what, I can’t do anything now. I know God is just and if she truly believed that God was Lord, even if she didn’t say so to anyone else, He will know.

I just found out my grandma died this morning. It makes me very sad. I wasn’t really close to her, but I wish I had been closer. I should have prayed for her more. I don’t think she was saved. That’s what just devastates me. If she had been saved I would only be sad for my family and I’s loss. I would be happy for her gain. I wish I knew she had asked

Jesus into her heart at the last minute. And I knew I should call her the other day and I didn’t. Which makes me cry. Maybe I could have led her to the Lord! Maybe I missed my only opportunity.

God, if this is so, please forgive me. And please be with my aunt and uncles through this difficult time. Especially my aunt who will be lost without anyone to care for and no job. Please bring someone to her to help her through this and please help me to be a witness to my family somehow. Help me to listen better and do what you ask. Help me to know what I can do now that will comfort my aunt and uncles. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Grandma with Children

Please pray with me for my family. Thanks.

Thanks to my Aunt Christine Baker for the beautiful photos she had previously posted on the internet. The first picture is of my grandma as a child with her baby sister, Arline. (My grandma as a child.) Picture two is of my grandma, grandpa, Uncle Richard and Aunt Christine. (My grandma with children.) The third picture is my grandparents. (My grandma with grandchildren.)

Grandma with grandkids

Update: My mom seems to feel assurance from God that grandma is alright. My aunt, too believes my grandma was spiritual but only privately. I feel I must trust God. No matter what, I can’t do anything now. I know God is just and if she truly believed that God was Lord, even if she didn’t say so to anyone else, He will know.